Navigating Your "What Am I Doing?" Era
Career pivots, new parenthood, or a nagging sense that the path no longer fits can all bring on the question "What am I doing with my life?" In this ShrinkChicks episode, Em and Jen talk about feeling lost mid-transition, the sunk-cost fallacy, burnout vs. being in the wrong field, and why you do not need a passion to build a good life.
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In this episode
- Every new life chapter requires renegotiating your values and roles
- Halfway through anything is often the hardest point
- Turn vague panic into specific worries you can plan around
- The sunk-cost fallacy makes staying an emotional decision, not a logical one
- Trusting the process feels grounded; denial feels like effortful pushing away
- Burnout is often about context, not the work itself
Every chapter needs renegotiating
Whether it is having kids, getting a dog, or a partner changing jobs, each new stage means renegotiating what matters and who does what. Em and Jen call this recontracting, and it happens again and again as life changes.
Panic in the middle
One listener is halfway through a graduate program as a career changer and panicking. The hosts say the middle is often the hardest point. You have invested a lot and are not yet seeing the rewards. Their advice is to get specific. Is the worry about money, schedule, or burnout? Once you name it, you can make a plan, like a part-time job while you build a caseload or applying only to roles that fit the hours you need.
The sunk-cost fallacy
"I've already put so much into this" keeps a lot of people in jobs, relationships, and paths that no longer fit. Em and Jen point out that we build toward a future self based on who we are now, then arrive as a different person who may want different things. Staying because of what you invested is an emotional decision. The logical question is, who am I now and what do I want? Or as they frame it, if I were not so scared, would I choose something different?
To tell trusting the process from denial, check your body. Trust feels grounded, even when it is scary. Denial feels like shoving something to the back, and what gets pushed down tends to show up elsewhere, often as anxiety.
You don't need a passion
"Follow your passion" is advice the hosts do not love. Most people's passions are not their jobs, and that is fine. Lean into the parts of your work that give you energy, and accept that every job has tedious parts. Loving your job about 60% of the time is a win.
Finally, burnout is usually exhaustion tied to a specific context. Before deciding you are in the wrong field, ask whether you could love the work under different conditions, like a smaller caseload, a shorter commute, or different hours.
Video chapters
- 8:45 Recontracting when kids arrive
- 10:45 Panicking halfway through grad school
- 15:15 The sunk-cost fallacy
- 16:30 When your future self wants something different
- 18:15 Trusting the process vs. denial
- 20:45 What if I don't have a passion?
- 24:00 Burnout vs. the wrong career
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I'm burned out or in the wrong career?
Ask whether you could enjoy the same work under different conditions, like fewer hours or a different setting. If yes, it may be burnout. If the work itself no longer fits, a change may make sense.
What is the sunk-cost fallacy?
It is the tendency to keep investing in something because of what you have already put in, rather than because it still serves you. It makes staying feel logical when it is often driven by fear.
Do I need a passion to be happy at work?
No. Most people do not turn their passion into a job. Em and Jen suggest leaning into the parts of your work that energize you and accepting that no job is enjoyable all the time.
Want support with this?
Em and Jen founded The Therapy Group, a relational therapy practice offering in-person therapy in Philadelphia and West Chester, PA, plus virtual sessions. Our team personally matches you with a therapist who fits what you are working on, for individuals, couples, and families.
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ShrinkChicks is for education and entertainment and is not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. If you are in crisis in the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.