Trauma Responses: Understanding the Freeze Response
The freeze response may be the most misunderstood trauma response, and one that carries a lot of shame. In this episode of their trauma responses series, Em and Jen explain why freezing is an involuntary nervous system reaction, what freeze and functional freeze look like day to day, and how to explain it to a partner who reads it as not caring.
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In this episode
- Freeze is involuntary: your body chooses it when fighting or fleeing does not feel possible
- Signs of freeze: numbness, brain fog, procrastination, withdrawal, and endless scrolling
- Functional freeze: working, parenting, and answering emails on autopilot while numb inside
- Coming out of freeze usually means activating your body, not calming it further
- Freeze vs. feeling stuck: a nervous system state vs. a pattern over time
- Why relational tempo matters, and how to ask a partner to slow down
Freezing is not a choice
Em and Jen keep returning to one word: involuntary. The freeze response happens when the nervous system faces overwhelming danger and fighting or fleeing does not feel possible. Think of a deer in headlights or an animal playing dead. The hosts stress this because many people carry deep shame about freezing during something frightening, when the body simply did what it was built to do.
What freeze and functional freeze look like
Freeze can show up as numbness, shutting down, social withdrawal, hiding from the world, procrastination, trouble making even small decisions, binge watching, endless scrolling, or a foggy sense of what is real. It is often confused with depression.
Functional freeze is when you keep going on the outside (working, parenting, answering emails) while feeling blank and disconnected inside. The hosts note how many people slip into this state when they are taking in a constant stream of upsetting news.
Why regulation looks different for freeze
Knowing which response you are in matters because the tools are different. Freeze usually calls for activating your system, not calming it further. That might mean dancing, vigorous exercise, martial arts, or cold water on your face. In the middle of a conversation, it can be as simple as stepping away to the bathroom, splashing cold water, and getting a break from the stimulation. The hosts also recommend somatic therapy for people who often get stuck in freeze.
Freeze in relationships
Freeze is a nervous system state, while feeling stuck is a pattern over time. Patterns can grow out of repeated freeze, but they are not the same. In couples, a partner who regulates by moving toward conflict and a partner who freezes can accidentally feed each other's reactions.
Common triggers are about relational tempo: fast talking, rapid-fire questions, a louder voice, and pressure to answer right now. When things are calm, try telling your partner, "I want to engage in this conversation. Here is what I need to stay in it." That could be slowing down or taking a short break and coming back. If a partner will not allow any pause, the hosts note that is a red flag worth paying attention to.
Video chapters
- 6:00 What is the freeze response?
- 8:40 What freeze looks like, including functional freeze
- 11:50 Why regulating freeze looks different
- 13:00 Freezing in the middle of an argument
- 15:30 The survival mechanism behind freezing
- 21:00 Why some people freeze more
- 24:30 Freeze vs. feeling stuck
- 26:00 When one partner fights and one freezes
- 30:00 Freeze at work and with authority
- 32:00 Explaining freeze to a partner
Frequently asked questions
What is the freeze response?
It is an involuntary survival response where the nervous system shuts down when fighting or fleeing does not feel possible. It can look like numbness, going blank, dissociation, or being unable to move or speak.
What is functional freeze?
Functional freeze is when you keep functioning on the outside (working, parenting, handling tasks) while feeling numb, foggy, and disconnected on the inside, as if you are on autopilot.
How do you get out of a freeze response?
Gently activate your body with movement, cold water, or anything that brings energy back. Create space from what is overwhelming you, and consider a somatic therapist for ongoing support.
Want support with this?
Em and Jen founded The Therapy Group, a relational therapy practice offering in-person therapy in Philadelphia and West Chester, PA, plus virtual sessions. Our team personally matches you with a therapist who fits what you are working on, for individuals, couples, and families.
Related episodes
- Trauma Responses: Understanding the Fight Response
- Trauma Responses: Understanding the Flight Response
ShrinkChicks is for education and entertainment and is not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. If you are in crisis in the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.